Sue & becoming a christian

This about Sue, her long term problems with depression and her becoming a Christian.

Have you ever wondered what your life is all about? This I questioned myself about 15 years ago. My life then was full of anxiety, fear and worry, which I had been experiencing for about 10 years. I started to think is this all that my life was going to be? In fact from as far back as I can remember I had always felt anxious and insecure. I worried about every little thing. Meeting new people, starting a new school, college, ailments, you name it.

I was also very shy and found it difficult to talk to people, until I finished my hairdressing course at college. There we were encouraged to talk to our clients, so this helped me to come out of myself a little, although I still felt inadequate.

At the age of 17 I started to get panic attacks. There is nothing like the fear you feel at your first attack. I felt like everything was closing in on me, that I couldn't breath properly. I would feel dizzy, sick and shaky. The symptoms would vary. The worst thing was the fear that I was going mad, out of control. I would feel apprehensive all the time waiting for my next attack. This went on like this for a few years. I sought help from self-help books on panic attacks, which helped me to cope with them a bit better.

In 1984, at the age of 21, I got married. I was still having problems with anxiety, but I learned to accept this as part of my makeup. Then, when I was 27, I had my first child, a perfectly healthy boy, but this wonderful event was marred by crippling postnatal depression, and the panic attacks returned worse than ever. The responsibility I felt for my baby was overwhelming, I felt inadequate to cope with him. This made me feel guilty and useless. I felt like I was sinking into a black hole. I was at the lowest I had ever been. I needed help. The doctor had prescribed me anti depressants but I couldn't get with them.

Then, on one particular night, I believe my life changed. I was so fearful. I was awake all night because my heart was racing so fast; I thought it was going to burst. I actually thought I wasn't going to see the morning. My husband, who was a Christian, held me and prayed over me most of the night. I knew about God, I went to church, but I didn't have the desire to find out more about him. After that night, something changed in me. In the days that followed I found myself drawn to wanting to find God for myself. I was still having lots of problems with panic, but I felt that he was the answer to my recovery. So my husband would give me tapes of Christian speakers to listen to while he was at work. He would talk to me about Jesus and how he died on the cross to save us, to save me, and how my life could be changed if I accepted him. I now knew what I had to do and I prayed that God would come into my life. The first week after I prayed, I felt the presence of God sitting on my shoulder bringing me comfort and peace. I felt he was saying, I am with you, you are not alone in your suffering.

I sought Christian Counselling for my issues of inadequacy. My panic attacks subsided as I began to understand myself more and through my growing relationship with God. My life was changing. I had more hope for the future.

I went on a journey of inner healing as God showed me the things I had done wrong and the people I had to forgive. This was hard to go through, but I know it was necessary to get to freedom. Today I am free from panic attacks and only get anxious when I am stressed. I now work part time as a Christian Counsellor. I wanted to help people with their fight to live in freedom. God has a purpose for our lives. Why not find out what your purpose is and invite him into your life. Don't wait until you are in a black hole. He's there for you right now.